it's going to be a perfunctory thanksgiving this year.my husband and i have a small family locally. it consists of my brother's widow, her son, his fiance and their 2 year old daughter. presently, they are living together in my sister in law's large home, while my nephew's home is remodeled. we all live within maybe 2 miles of each other. my husband's two brothers and their families live near his parents on the east coast.
it has been decided that because "it's easier" thanksgiving will be at sister in law's, and store-bought food will be provided by our hostess. i'm sure it will all taste fine, there will be plenty to eat and the little girl will be fun and funny during the couple hours we will be visiting.
so why am i so disappointed by this?
i guess i was hoping for the kind of thanksgiving i grew up with, where you schlepped to some relative's home you only went to on holidays and as soon as the door opened your mouth starts watering from the aromas issuing from the kitchen. the kind of thanksgiving where there's a gang of relatives/people around a groaning table of food cooked specifically for us, with love.
and the food, all the food on the table is someone's famous recipe, love it or hate it. those special requests everyone remembers year to year about what kind of cranberry sauce and what not to put in the stuffing mix. the dishes are a mismatched blend (who has service for 10 anymore?) but there's grandma's special serving platter from her wedding china, almost 100 years old now, and the flatware is mom's silverplate, even though this means a lot of hand washing after dinner.
i suppose the conversation in my fantasy thanksgiving could happen in real life, catching up on news of friends far away, silly debates about the merits of sweet potatoes vs. russets, and repetition of family stories that, although everyone knows the punchline, get a laugh every time.
i even miss the old-fashioned aftermath: women clearing and washing up, men watching football and dozing. those priceless relaxed conversations you have with dear ones when you are shoulder to shoulder, full of turkey and pie, in front of a basin of dirty dishes and soapy water.
this year, there will be no roasting pan to soak, no precious keepsakes to gently hand wash and the recipes will not have names that refer to anyone i know. we'll eat the usual menu items, and save the leftovers in the disposable containers they came in. dishes, if we don't use paper, will just be dropped in the dishwasher, no need to waste all that water filling up the sink. no one will have to spend any time in the kitchen.
it is easier. it's just easier, what with the little one and "all that." pretty perfunctory, like checking off something on a list: "thanksgiving dinner with family, check!" but i don't think thanksgiving is supposed to be about "easier".
i'm planning to put a turkey, a small one, in my oven before i leave the house to perfume it with that thanksgiving aroma. and when i come home, i will whip up some mashed potatoes, lumpy, with way too much butter. i will steam some broccoli until it's just the crispy tender i like and i will roast some sweet potatoes with cinnamon and maple. i'll make the stuffing the way my mom taught me, with all the things i like and none of the ones i don't. and i will set the table with Nana's wedding china and mom's silverplate, and hand wash it afterward, for my husband and i to have our own thanksgiving.
we will call upon the memories of other years, other lifetimes really, to crowd the table with cheer and sweetness and love. maybe pull out an old photo album and marvel at photos of years past, faces gone now and remembered fondly. we'll stand together in the kitchen washing the pots and pans, talking about nothing and everything until there's no sign but for a plate of leftovers that there ever was a thanksgiving cooked here.
so no, it's not as easy, but i want more than easy. don't misunderstand, i'm grateful for the family i have. i am grateful for the ability to share a meal with them in warmth and safety, for the food they will provide. they are doing what they can or want to do.
i just plan on giving us a thanksgiving that's not easier.
